Most couples talk more about what they are going to eat for dinner than their sex lives—causing them to get stuck in the same routine and never ask for what they want or explore what they desire. Eating the same dish can be dissatisfying over time. Lack of communication frequently is what drives couples apart. In an earlier blog piece, I encouraged couples to start talking about sex to have more sex. In this blog post, I teach you how to prepare an erotic menu, starting with arousing appetizers and ending with orgasmic deserts. An erotic menu is a checklist of what stimulates you and your partner.
First, decide where you want to have sex. The bedroom is an obvious choice, but you are certainly not limited to only the bedroom! Organize your chosen space to awaken your desires. One client decided to remove family photos and piles of clothes and papers from her bedroom. In doing so, she felt less burdened, and it was easier for her to connect to her sexual self. Her creativity opened up, and she bought new bedding and pillows that felt silky to touch. She muted the lighting by covering lamp lights with colorful scarves forming soft hues. In stylizing her environment, she became more sexually empowered by tapping into and implementing what brought her pleasure.
Music can be very erotic and help to create a sensual space. Does music cultivate your sensuality? If so, what type of music? How about for your partner? Play spa music if you have never incorporated sound as part of your sexual diet.
As you begin to put together your erotic menu, ask yourself, what turns you on? What makes for an ideal sexual experience for yourself and your partner?
As you think about what stimulates you, explore what activates your five senses. Your sense of taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight bring you into your bodies. The more we can tap into our bodies, the more we can experience heightened desire and enjoyment. For example, music piques your sense of hearing. A romantic dinner awakens your sense of taste, a classic prelude to an intimate evening. Food also entices pleasureful emotions. Perhaps, feed each other chocolates. Or experiment with Honey Dust, a kissable body powder.
Lingerie can capture your sense of sight, and the fabric can stimulate your sense of touch. Burning scented candles evokes your sense of sight and smell. The warm light eases the mood, and the fragrance rouses your olfactory system. Throughout history, essential oils were used as natural love potions. Discover for yourself if certain smells boost you and your partner's libido. Try oils like rose, lavender, clary sage, and ylang ylang.
Another favorite starter is practicing one of our Pleasure Meditations for Couples. Pleasure Meditations for Couples are a series of guided meditations for couples that focus on exploring your sense of touch. The meditations are designed to safely bring you and your partner into the sensations of your bodies and increase your capacity for pleasure. We also offer a series of Embodied Couples Practices that are a mixture of Thai yoga massage and couples yoga to help you and your partner unwind. The practices enable you to bond with one another while releasing layers of stress and transitioning into an erotic space.
Another way to augment pleasureful sensations in the body is by using cannabis. Similar to essential oils, for centuries, cannabis was used as a natural aphrodisiac. Now legal in many states, marijuana might be an effective way for you and your partner to relax and enjoy sexy time together. Many of the healing properties of the plant make it a potent remedy for arousal. There are several cannabis-infused products on the market. An erotic starter, maybe you and your partner researching which products to explore.
The entree of your erotic tasting menu might be sexual intercourse. Although, other options to consider are lying naked together, oral sex, or sex toy play. Sometimes your partner might have had an injury or is unable to have sexual intercourse. Don't let this prohibit you from being intimate. You can expand your entree repertoire to satisfy your sex drive. Another titillating option if intercourse is not on the menu is masturbating and reaching an orgasmic release under your partner's gaze.
No need to say no to dessert; dessert may consist of multiple orgasms! Or, more common, one partner peaks before the other. You and your partner can discuss beforehand how to navigate such situations. For instance, the partner that hasn't yet orgasmed can continue to be stimulated by using fingers, hands, or sex toys. At other times, one of you may decide not to climax and build up the sexual energy for a midnight snack. Discuss how you want to end your erotic adventure, so the experience is satisfying for both of you.
To tempt your appetite, I included a sample erotic menu below. These are only a few ideas and suggestions. There are many more; I'd love for you to share some of your personal favorites with me. It is perfectly normal for you and your partner to desire different things. Look for where there are similarities and discover what you are both willing to try. When you are sharing your preferences, reframe from being judgmental, criticizing, or shaming. These are immediate turn-offs and will quickly extinguish a sexual mood. Rather be curious, generous, and willing. Like, dining at the finest restaurant indulge.
