It is common for partners in a relationship to experience varying levels of sexual desire. Asynchronous sexual desire can create stress and conflict within couples. As a sex therapist and a certified Imago Relationship therapist, I help couples work through their differences. One way is for couples to broaden the definition of sex to incorporate a profusion of sexual delights beyond sexual intercourse. You can read more about how to do that here. As romantic partners expand their definition of sex, they discover or rediscover pleasurable ways to be intimate. Handjobs are an example of how couples can enjoy sexy time together without having intercourse. The following are some hand sex tips taught by Amy Jo Goddard to send your partner into another stratosphere of pleasance. By couples adding to their erotic repertoire, physical intimacy can be a time of play and safe exploration.
Often, Handjobs are thought of as a teenage alternative to sex. They are overlooked or rushed over, viewed as a precursor to sex rather than the main event. In actuality, handjobs are a fabulous substitute for sexual intercourse. Giving the penis focused attention, your partner can reach heightened and sustained levels of arousal, and you don't even have to get undressed. Rather than sidelining the handjob, incorporate it more frequently and rock your partner's world.
Deeply connecting experience The name handjob is derogatory, making the act sound like work and devoid of pleasure. Instead, the term hand sex is more appropriate. After all, it is an honor to hold another person's genitalia in your hands. In many ways, it is the most vulnerable part of the body. Hold your partner's member in reverence. Make your sexual time together sacred. Bring your awareness to the moment, and marvel at the specialness of being together. View it as a loving, moving meditation. Your partner will feel the difference when you carry this intention of worship. He will be delighted that you are prioritizing his pleasure. Make hand sex the focal point and take penetration off the agenda.
Prepare the space Create a safe environment so you can express your sexual selves. If you have children, lock your bedroom door. Close the drapes, adjust the lighting, play music that carries you into an erotic zone. Set up blankets and pillows, be warm. Luxuriate in the moment and be physically at ease. Be mindful of jewelry or jagged nails that might irritate or snag your partner's delicate skin.
You both want to be relaxed and comfortable. Experiment with the Reclining Diamond, the signature position of sex educator Ashley Manta. Start by sitting in front of each other on the bed. Extend your legs out, forming a V shape. Place his legs on top of your thighs. Allow him to lie back fully relaxed. He might want to have a pillow for his head. Rest your forearms on his thighs, allowing both hands to move freely. Your hands can then touch the whole body, particularly accessing the penis, shaft, balls, perineum, and anus.
In this position, it is easy to make eye contact with your partner. Eye contact increases connection. You can also look for non-verbal cues, watching the rise and fall of his breath as it changes. If his breath is still, you can encourage him to breathe and drop into the body's sensations even more.
Inquire It is important to check in with your partner to learn about their preferences. See if he is enjoying what you are doing. Ask if the pressure is too hard or soft and if the speed is okay. Would they prefer you to slow down or quicken your movement? When your partner tells you their preferences respond by saying, "Thank you so much for telling me what you like." Your partner's feedback is not a criticism but valuable feedback that will facilitate greater intimacy. Your partner knows his body better than anyone else.
Let's begin Get affirmation from your partner that he is ready. Begin by establishing a physical connection. Move your hands up his thighs. Start with broad strokes. Warm your partner up and tease and excite him with what is going to happen. Massaging the muscles around the groin area allows for greater blood flow and stimulation of the genitals. Build anticipation.
Have plenty of lube on hand. The amount of lube you use depends on your partner's desire. Without lube, dry skin causes unpleasant friction and irritation. Cover the penis with an abundance of lube.
Corona Ridge The corona ridge is the rim around the crown of the penis. It's the rounded circumference separating the head from the shaft. Take your time and slowly roll your finger or fingers along the ridge. Trace and retrace the rim with your finger. Allow your finger to glide easily on his slippery flesh. Ask if he is enjoying your touch.
V Massaging the Frenulum At the head of the penis, a triangle forms at the ridge called the frenulum. Within the triangle is considered the most sensitive area of the penis. It is highly reactive to the slightest touch. Curl your fingers into your palms, making fists with the thumbs out. Bring the fists and thumbs together. Move the thumbs outward in small circles, rotating in opposite directions, massaging the glans. Linger, generously stimulating this erogenous zone.
Use the same thumb massaging motion along the underside of the shaft. There are tissues the length of the penis that becomes engorged with blood when aroused. It can feel phenomenal to massage the whole area. Every man is different, so seductively inquire if stimulating the nerve endings on the shaft is enticing. Ask if they are enjoying the pressure and tempo of the motion. Does he like it faster or slower?
Cupping Gently hold the balls and the penis in your hand by cupping the genitals. Move the hand in an upward motion, eventually releasing the testicles and gliding the hand up the shaft. Repeat the motion. Holding and cupping the genitals and then moving your hand upward, arousing the thousands of nerves within the balls, shaft, and crown.
Open Palm Slide Glide your open palm up the right side of the shaft, rounding over the tip of the penis and back down the left side. Stroke the penis up the left side, sliding over the tip and down the right side. Slide your hand vigorously up and down the shaft.
Pepper Grinder Grasp your well-lubed hands around his penis, stacked one on top of the other. Twist your clasped hands in opposite directions. Create a pleasing rhythm, massaging the base of the penis and the tip. Using two hands can help you vary strength and speed, and it can be an excellent way to change things up. Play with twisting the hands up and down the penis, again twisting in opposite directions. Discover what your partner gets turned on by most. Check-in and see if you can adjust your intensity and grip to satisfy your partner even more.
Soft On The penis does not have to be hard to receive pleasure. If the penis is not erect, it's not a problem. Release the pressure to always have an erect penis. A soft penis is no reflection of the giver's hand sex skills or attractiveness. There are several reasons why an erection might not occur. Lack of sleep, stress, or medication, to name a few. A soft penis still has the same amount of nerve endings as erected only in a smaller space. A loosely handled penis can experience even more pleasant sensations. An erect penis isn't required to experience an orgasm. So enjoy flaccid fun.
Schedule an unforgettable, erotic evening with your partner and wow him with these techniques. Don't be fooled by their straightforward and uncomplicated nature. They are very potent in eliciting pleasure. Move beyond the confines of sexual intercourse and add an exciting and dynamic dimension to your lovemaking. Sex can include a wider variety of experiences. Couples become empowered by learning new skills and approaching intimacy in a new way. Many times, couples need more assistance in navigating their differences in sexual desire. If you and your partner want to reimagine your sex life, I can work with you privately. Call or email me to set up an appointment.