What images come to mind when you think of a sex store? If you picture a dark, seedy shop, think again. Before we went into quarantine, my husband and I decided to mix things up by visiting our local sex store, Secret Desires. It turned out to be an informative and stimulating evening—ideal ingredients for a satisfying and connected relationship. Our excursion prompted conservations about what arouses us sexually. It was such a positive experience, I now recommend it to the couples I see in my practice.

As I entered, I was immediately struck by how the store catered to women. To the left of the entrance were shelves of cute, seductive, high-heeled shoes and racks of black, lacy stockings. Further in were silky lingerie and bright-colored bathing suits. I began to feel at ease, surrounded by these familiar objects. A preppy woman laughing caught my attention. She held what appeared to be a small, cardboard children's book. When I glanced over her shoulder, I saw that it was a humorous adult parody called, "The Little Penis." As I moved deeper into the store, I found couples games, oils, and incense. There was a whole bachelorette section of over-the-top frivolity and then a wall of vibrators that were pink and lavender and looked like candy. At the far corner were black leather whips and handcuffs marketed in a slick and sophisticated manner.

Secret Desires was not a shady sex store. The manager, Jason, explained, "The sex industry has changed a lot over the last few years. It caters much more to women and couples."

Indeed it was entertaining to see all the creative objects on sale. My husband, Duane, and I were delighted to see many products that brought up animated conversations.

Duane and I are both licensed marriage and family therapists. We specialize in working with couples and are comfortable talking about sex with each other and our clients. Many of our couples suffer from a lack of sexual desire. In an earlier blog piece, I explain how talking about sex can lead couples to have more sex. Visiting a sex store can be a fruitful conversation starter as you learn more about each other's preferences, fantasies, and erogenous zones. Also, adding novelty is a crucial component in keeping marriages and long-term relationships fresh and exciting. Entering a sex store can offer something new.

When exploring, it is essential to refrain from criticizing, blaming, or shaming. Even sarcasm can be misinterpreted as an insult or an affront, killing the mood immediately. Be curious and have a "yes, and" mindset. Putting this into action can be as simple as being open to listen and perhaps experiment the next time your partner proposes trying something new. If you are uncomfortable with a suggestion, offer another possibility instead. Allow your shopping experience to inform your erotic tasting menu. Learn more about the erotic tasting menu in my previous blog.

Upon my recommendation, one of my client couples ventured into Secret Desires. The husband had undergone several surgeries making conventional sex impossible. Their lack of intimacy was taking a toll on their connection. With the salesperson's help, they discovered tantalizing alternatives to turn up the heat in the bedroom.

In another couple, the wife suffered from vaginismus. For many years, they did not have sex or even talk about her diagnosis. A rift emerged between them, and they came to me for help. As part of their treatment, I prescribed Secret Desires. They found a vaginal dilator set that helped them rediscover sexual intimacy again.

Every couple is unique in their sexual history, preferences, and desires. No two couples are alike. Also, couples change throughout their relationship, which means their sex life changes too. It's important to know you don't need to feel stuck in your sex life. Options and help are available to bring back the spark in your relationship. Please reach out to Duane or myself if you are not making headway on your own.

If you don't feel comfortable going to a store, investigate a store online together. Some favorites are Cupid's Closet, Adam & Eve, and Lovehoney. As a precursor to your sex shop date, share this article with your partner. The most important thing is to have fun as you explore together.