Harvey Center for Relationships

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Slow Sex Down with the 5 Senses

“Go five times slower,” the New York Times quoted @sexwithemily, author and sex educator on how to have better sex. How do you slow down in sex? To master the experience, you need to move your awareness into your body. The body is where you feel pleasure. By arousing the five senses, you can assist yourself in feeling desire and cultivating sensual experiences. By identifying the gifts of each sense, you can deepen your lovemaking experience. You first need to hone your awareness of each sense to enhance your lovemaking. The five senses are taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell. Slowing down in sex and improving the experience by engaging the five senses can lead to a deeper and more pleasurable connection with your partner. Here are some ways you can focus on each sense to cultivate a more sensual experience:

  1. Taste: Explore the sense of taste by savoring a glass of wine together and indulging in sensual foods like strawberries and chocolates. Take it further and play with whipped cream and karma sutra body honey dust. Take your time to enjoy the flavors and the sensations.
  1. Touch: Emphasize the sense of touch by engaging in slow, sensual caresses and massages. Use different textures such as silk, feathers, or massage oils to heighten sensitivity. Pay attention to the entire body, exploring erogenous zones and using varying degrees of pressure and speed to enhance pleasure. To learn more and cultivate your sense of touch, try our guided couples meditations.
  1. Sight: Create an appealing visual ambiance by setting the mood with soft lighting, candles, or dimmed lamps. Use visually stimulating elements such as sexy lingerie, erotic artwork, or a strategically placed mirror to enhance the visual experience. Maintain eye contact with your partner to deepen the emotional and intimate connection.
  1. Hearing: Incorporate the sense of hearing by playing your favorite sexy songs, spa music, or your partner's voice to create an arousing atmosphere. The sounds of moans, whispers, or gentle sighs can add an extra layer of intimacy. Communicate with your partner, expressing your desires and actively listening to their cues and feedback.
  1. Smell: Engage the sense of smell using scented candles, essential oils, or incense to create a sensual ambiance. Experiment with fragrances known for their aphrodisiac properties, such as lavender, jasmine, or ylang-ylang. Take deep breaths to fully immerse yourself in the scents and let them enhance your experience.

Slowing down and incorporating the senses are crucial for enhancing sexual experiences. Being fully present and in the moment can heighten pleasure and create a deeper connection with your partner. Pay attention to your and your partner's sensations, fostering open communication to ensure both of you are comfortable and enjoying the experience. Variety in sexual scenarios and repertoires is essential for maintaining desire and keeping the spark alive in a relationship. By discussing and planning for intimate indoor dates that engage the senses, couples can explore new possibilities and safely embrace a more embodied experience. You can unlock new levels of sensual pleasure and intimacy by delighting in each other's sensory systems and taking the time to individually and jointly delight in the senses.